I promise myself

I promise myself…

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best
And to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of
Others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
To every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

I support Goodness, Purity and Justice

In my childhood, I used to take pride in myself knowing that my heart is in the right place. That I would always support goodness, purity and justice and never encourage or indulge in spite, prejudice or injustice. However, as I grew up, I fell in love and after that, all my strong principles and pride came crashing down. Coz although I still stick up for others, I quit sticking up for myself. My love for someone had blinded me so much, that I no longer paid heed to my conscience that told me time and again that I was giving up too much, making too many sacrifices and suffering torture in silence.

Even when I knew it was wrong, I gave money, time and my complete attention to a person who was never worth it. He was nice at times, looked and behaved like a sweet boy, but he was also a soul sucking parasite. Why did I let my soul get sucked into him, when I knew I had to keep boundaries, and that I shouldn't give him everything he asks for. He's a spoilt rascal who makes me cry and writhe in pain, and makes me feel as if denying him money or trying to stop him from ruining himself is a crime.

I love him a lot and I wish I could teach him what living means, what loving means, but he has his own wrong notions of life. He had made life living hell for his parents, my parents and most of all for me. I still wish him the best, I still pray to God everyday that he gets a grip on his life, and lives a righteous life. Kids love him, he is a fun guy, but alas, he is too spoilt to want to understand or correct his faults.

I have ruined my life trying to correct him, coz I knew he was very capable and could live a wonderful life if he only chooses right from wrong. For 10 years I toiled and ended up ruining my peace. Today this guy is my husband, and my parents are suffering trying to make him see sense. They feel pain knowing that their daughter is living a horrible, senseless, pointless life with this guy.

I don't know if he will ever change. Will he? I am already 27 years old. Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't my parents deserve to live in peace and see their daughter happy? Is my husband worth everybody's pain? He has good stuff in him, but his wrongs overcloud his rights.

I cannot undo supporting him all these years, but atleast I can resolve not to tolerate any more nonsense from him. I can atleast start listening to my conscience. He becomes very unpleasant when I don't give him what I want, but that doesn't mean I should give in. I never want to compromise on my dignity, self-esteem and sense of righteousness again. I cannot undo the past, but I can shape my future.

  

A Good Apology

A good apology is like a three-tiered cake -
the first is acknowledging hurt caused,
the second an acknowledgment of responsibility,
and the third, a difference in action next time a similar situation presents itself.
Bringing an actual cake or flowers or doing something and just saying sorry would be like the icing on the apology. Just having the icing is nice too but it is certainly not the full cake.

Unspoken

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me

That you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand

Into my heaped-up heart

And passing over

All the foolish, weak things

That you can’t help

Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out

Into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked

Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you

Are helping me to make

Of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern

But a temple;

Out of the works

Of my every day

Not a reproach

But a song.

I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

Could have done

To make me good

And more than any fate

Could have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Perhaps that is what

Being a friend means,

After all.

A Promise: This New Year 2014

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In the past 10 years, I have heard these promises atleast a million times. They don’t last long…. Here is one yet again, only this time, I promise myself that if it is broken again, I will put an end to this 10 year old relationship that has brought me endless suffering, misery and pain…..

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From: Sadanand, Arathi
Sent: Friday, January 03, 2014 1:41 PM
To: Regish R Menon
Subject: RE: Ethiyo da?

Thank you for these words.. Would be appreciated if your actions said the same…

From: Regish R Menon
Sent: Friday, January 03, 2014 12:08 PM
To: Sadanand, Arathi
Subject: Re: Ethiyo da?

I know what I have done to u.. I really dont know how to erase all those things.. I will not hurt u again.. I will try my best to keep u happy..

All I need is a good life with u.. I am also fed up of living like this.. I am not happy at all living like this..We will have a good life from here Arathi.. Please let everything go from ur heart and mind.. I will also help u for that..Sorry for everything..

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