In my childhood, I used to take pride in myself knowing that my heart is in the right place. That I would always support goodness, purity and justice and never encourage or indulge in spite, prejudice or injustice. However, as I grew up, I fell in love and after that, all my strong principles and pride came crashing down. Coz although I still stick up for others, I quit sticking up for myself. My love for someone had blinded me so much, that I no longer paid heed to my conscience that told me time and again that I was giving up too much, making too many sacrifices and suffering torture in silence.
Even when I knew it was wrong, I gave money, time and my complete attention to a person who was never worth it. He was nice at times, looked and behaved like a sweet boy, but he was also a soul sucking parasite. Why did I let my soul get sucked into him, when I knew I had to keep boundaries, and that I shouldn't give him everything he asks for. He's a spoilt rascal who makes me cry and writhe in pain, and makes me feel as if denying him money or trying to stop him from ruining himself is a crime.
I love him a lot and I wish I could teach him what living means, what loving means, but he has his own wrong notions of life. He had made life living hell for his parents, my parents and most of all for me. I still wish him the best, I still pray to God everyday that he gets a grip on his life, and lives a righteous life. Kids love him, he is a fun guy, but alas, he is too spoilt to want to understand or correct his faults.
I have ruined my life trying to correct him, coz I knew he was very capable and could live a wonderful life if he only chooses right from wrong. For 10 years I toiled and ended up ruining my peace. Today this guy is my husband, and my parents are suffering trying to make him see sense. They feel pain knowing that their daughter is living a horrible, senseless, pointless life with this guy.
I don't know if he will ever change. Will he? I am already 27 years old. Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't my parents deserve to live in peace and see their daughter happy? Is my husband worth everybody's pain? He has good stuff in him, but his wrongs overcloud his rights.
I cannot undo supporting him all these years, but atleast I can resolve not to tolerate any more nonsense from him. I can atleast start listening to my conscience. He becomes very unpleasant when I don't give him what I want, but that doesn't mean I should give in. I never want to compromise on my dignity, self-esteem and sense of righteousness again. I cannot undo the past, but I can shape my future.
Even when I knew it was wrong, I gave money, time and my complete attention to a person who was never worth it. He was nice at times, looked and behaved like a sweet boy, but he was also a soul sucking parasite. Why did I let my soul get sucked into him, when I knew I had to keep boundaries, and that I shouldn't give him everything he asks for. He's a spoilt rascal who makes me cry and writhe in pain, and makes me feel as if denying him money or trying to stop him from ruining himself is a crime.
I love him a lot and I wish I could teach him what living means, what loving means, but he has his own wrong notions of life. He had made life living hell for his parents, my parents and most of all for me. I still wish him the best, I still pray to God everyday that he gets a grip on his life, and lives a righteous life. Kids love him, he is a fun guy, but alas, he is too spoilt to want to understand or correct his faults.
I have ruined my life trying to correct him, coz I knew he was very capable and could live a wonderful life if he only chooses right from wrong. For 10 years I toiled and ended up ruining my peace. Today this guy is my husband, and my parents are suffering trying to make him see sense. They feel pain knowing that their daughter is living a horrible, senseless, pointless life with this guy.
I don't know if he will ever change. Will he? I am already 27 years old. Don't I deserve to be happy? Don't my parents deserve to live in peace and see their daughter happy? Is my husband worth everybody's pain? He has good stuff in him, but his wrongs overcloud his rights.
I cannot undo supporting him all these years, but atleast I can resolve not to tolerate any more nonsense from him. I can atleast start listening to my conscience. He becomes very unpleasant when I don't give him what I want, but that doesn't mean I should give in. I never want to compromise on my dignity, self-esteem and sense of righteousness again. I cannot undo the past, but I can shape my future.
